NAME:     Jo-Anne Bloggs                        AGE:   30                     TEAM:   Joining United Club soon               HIGHEST BREAK:   40DD

SNOOKER HONOURS:   Leading Player 1990.                 Highest League Break 1992  (15 ha ha)

SCHOOL EDUCATION:

YOUR FAMILY:   Only child (allegedly)

WORK DETAILS:   Fully professional pauper

OTHER INTERESTS:   Sleeping, Walking and Sleep Walking.

ABOUT YOU:   Born in manger on 25th december, no crib for a bed. Not very comfortable. Strange men kept waking me up in the middle of the night bringing me gifts. Didn't really get to know my real dad. Mum said she was a virgin but I think she was just mentally deluded. Anyway, found my way in life performing street magic.

INTERESTING FACTS ABOUT YOU:  I'm quite creepy really. Like to hang about on hilltops in just my underwear. Dont really know how I got into snooker. Thinks its just the fact I like to knock a few balls about.

It took Leo Tolstoy 6 years to write War & Peace, took me 8 years to read it hmph. Yep I am blonde.